First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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