margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
