She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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