i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
