from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
