Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
