pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
