I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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