you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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