So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
