So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
