i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
