yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
