ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
