Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
