I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I could fuck to npr.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
