I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
