this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
operation have a gay friend backfired
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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