everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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