I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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