i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize