i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
