she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
