There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
