please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
