My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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