Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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