ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
