My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
