I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
