Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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