I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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