He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
