wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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