every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
