Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
