I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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