I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize