too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
