Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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