your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
