apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
