I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
