I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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