i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
