This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
