Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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