and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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