i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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