Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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