I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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