you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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