do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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