His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
