This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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