You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am one with the molecules
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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