I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
