just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
