my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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