At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
