How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
