Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
