I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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