every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
