we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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