Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize