I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
