Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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