Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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