just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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