ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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