Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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