I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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