why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
