Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
