How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize