the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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