I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
