I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
