I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize