So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
