Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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