I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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