Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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