It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
