K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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