Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
