is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
