Cold hands, warm shart.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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