Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize